Baby Blessing
Have you ever been to a baby blessing? I first heard about them in a doula training workshop five years ago. This ceremony is based on sacred traditions of many different cultures and religions. The idea is to gather friends and or family and circle around a pregnant mama and bless her and the baby. Though the substance of the blessings offered may vary widely, the outcome is always the same. Each blessing leaves the mother and her friends filled with love and gratitude.
Priya Parker wrote a remarkable book called The Art of Gathering. I read it last year after hearing her interviewed on Brené Brown’s podcast, Unlocking Us. The ideas presented in the book were not new for me. I knew her message to be true: gathering with intention creates greater meaning. Parker points out that the gatherings in our lives can be “lackluster and unproductive” and they don't have to be. Conventions of most human gatherings are routine. If we increase our focus on an intention and the people involved, there will be more soul in the gathering. Maybe that is why I love my book club. We convene with an intention to talk about a work of literature, but this inevitably leads us to deeper, more personal subjects.
After being isolated for the past year+, I am still experiencing the novelty of in-person socializing. Being together is more important than ever. And so, given the chance, there is nothing I love more than accepting an invitation to a soulful gathering.
The first baby blessing I gave was to my dear friend Carly who hired me to be her doula in 2016. She asked me to work with her despite my lack of knowledge and experience. Carly recognized my skill to hold space and stay calm. She knew she wanted me to by her side on her journey to motherhood. In preparation, I signed up for a doula workshop, where I learned about baby blessings. I took the initiative to gather her tribe and bless her and her baby.
My daughter Sadie was 8 years old at that blessing. She joined me and helped me set up. We put out a few candles and crystals. Carly’s friends, her mother, Sadie and I all sat in a circle and shared our hopes for Carly. As we spoke, we passed around a ball of yarn. At the end of the ceremony, we tied it on to our wrist as a reminder that we are all connected. When Carly’s daughter Layla was born, we cut the string, a symbol of another ritual of birth - the cutting of the umbilical cord.
The blessing was beautiful, as was Layla’s birth. Carly so appreciated the blessing that she continued to pass along the tradition to her friends. Last weekend, Carly invited me to join her for another blessing of our friend Megan who is pregnant with her second baby. I’ve known Megan for a few years and she’s the catalyst for my prenatal yoga series that I started this spring. Megan reached out in April and asked if I’d be interested in teaching prenatal yoga to her and a few pregnant friends. Since then, I’ve taught a steady stream of pregnant mamas in my backyard on Mondays at 6pm. And when they have their baby, I invite them to a Tuesday morning “Mommy and Me” yoga class. It has been a fantastic way to build this community. I love it!
Midmorning last Sunday, eight women gathered around Megan for the blessing, including Sadie and me. Together, Carly and I led the blessing. Carly started by passing around burning sage. I invited everyone to take a few breaths and join me in three rounds of Om which is a sacred sound that is known generally as the sound of the universe. Yoga classes and other rituals begin and end with Om. Hearing Sadie’s twelve-year-old voice chanting “Ommmmmmm” next to me was delightful and so sweet. I was happy she was there.
After our chant, I jokingly read this quote: “May your coffee be stronger than your toddler.” Megan has a three-year-old daughter, Maeve. Those of us with multiple children know that the newborn is not always the biggest challenge in a family with two children. Everyone laughed.
Next, I quoted Nishan Panwar’s salient observation that “being a mother is learning about strengths you didn’t know you had, and dealing with fears you didn’t know existed.”
Isn’t that true?
Carly then offered three questions to the group. We went around the circle, passing a ball of yarn, and answered each question individually.
How do you know Megan?
Share a piece of parenting advice.
What is something that you do in your marriage that you want to pass along to Megan?
All the women answered with true grace and vulnerability. Everyone had something to share. Megan appreciated the sage wisdom and we all left taking away tips for our own lives.
Sadie made me proud with her answers. For the first question, she said that she didn’t really know Megan and everyone giggled. She did have thoughts on the second question. Her parenting advice, from her expert perspective, is for parents to listen to their children. She said sometimes kids want to talk, and they might not want to hear a suggested solution. Parents just need to give them the space to talk. And then for marriage advice, she stated that obviously, she was not married. She’s 12. But she said that if you are going to have a screaming fight, don’t do it in front of the kids. She said it does not happen often at her house (fortunately) but it has, and it “made my brother and me very uncomfortable.”
The next day, a few of the mamas texted me and shared how much they enjoyed seeing Sadie and hearing her advice from that age in life. My favorite text was from a lovely mama who said “I wanted to send you a note telling you how much I appreciated witnessing your mother/daughter relationship. It was absolutely wonderful to see your daughter’s self confidence shine yesterday. She seems to have such a mature thought process, and I think that is a huge testament to your parenting. She is truly a special soul!”
Creating space for a ritual is something that has been somewhat lost in our culture. However, I remember each time that I lead or participate in one a Blessing, about the importance of connection. And it’s important to pass on ceremony on to our children.
It would have been easy to head out the door on Sunday by myself. When I asked Sadie if she wanted to come, she was on the fence because she thought it might be boring and she didn’t really know anyone aside from Carly. And yet, she came. Sadie’s presence made the event even more special.
I closed the ceremony with one of my favorite essays by Kahlil Gibran - On Children - which I now share with you. Enjoy!
And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, Speak to us of Children.
And he said:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.