Holiday Intentions
A handful of soulful mindful mamas will join me Friday morning for a mini-retreat to “start the holidays with stillness.” The idea of leading a mindfulness retreat has swirled in my head for months. I’ve hesitated. The idea makes me nervous. That unsettled feeling in my stomach tells me that I am at a growth edge. With some effort, I managed to ignore the impostor syndrome that crept into my psyche and pressed on. I created a flyer, sent it out to my community and now it is time to execute.
Why is intention setting before the holidays important?
In prior years, I haven’t taken much time to pause and ask myself how I want to feel during the holidays. In reflection, most of my Decembers were spent tired and on autopilot. I did it to myself. My birthday is December 21st. My son’s birthday is the day before. It’s a packed week. I hand-write nearly 250 Christmas cards, which takes me days. I say yes to parties. I play Santa Claus. I wrap presents. I lead the charge on decorating the tree. I plan family ski days and shop for and cook holiday dinners. I stay up late and wake up early. Is it any wonder why I’m exhausted?
I want to do it differently this year.
The founder of Mind-Based Stress Reduction, Jon Kabat-Zinn, defines mindfulness as “the awareness that arises from paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, moment-by-moment, and non-judgmentally.” This is a practice. I create space each morning and sit for a fifteen-minute meditation. My practice is paying off. I feel more calm. My mind is quieter, but I still catch myself lost in thought.
I know there is no stopping the thoughts. I’m a planner. I love to reflect. But I now know that when I am off somewhere else, I am missing the moment. My work is to notice my patterns and gently bring myself back. I am trying to remain curious. The challenge is kind of fun.
The holidays can be hard. We all have some form of holiday baggage, traditions, and memories, which can be both positive and negative. It’s difficult not to fall into old patterns. Mindfulness gives us perspective. Rather than fighting burdensome feelings and thoughts, I am learning to accept them and let them go.
I’m creating a new reality. When I heard this poem by Portia Nelson it landed.
Autobiography in Five Short Chapters
I.
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost. I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
II.
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I still don't see it. I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place. It isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
III.
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it there, I still fall in.
It's habit. It's my fault. I know where I am. I get out immediately.
IV.
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.
V.
I walk down a different street.
I reflect: What are the streets that I continue to walk down? What new routes do I need to choose? How can I approach the holidays differently this year?
My intention this holiday season is to be curious, show up and feel the magic. I want to pay attention to the stories in my mind and practice listening. By being more open I will feel more joyful. As mediation teacher Jonathan Lehmann says, “Listening is the best gift I can give to those around me.”
In the season of gift-giving, maybe my attention is the best present that I can give to those I love.