Mindfulness & Meditation for Birth
My friend Robynne Carter’s mother died a few weeks ago. Robynne is my teacher and mentor. One of the most well known and beloved doula in Salt Lake City, Robynne is a true professional. She’s supported over a thousand births. Her humility, kindness and love is contagious. I am grateful to work with her.
Robynne teaches an Advanced Doula workshop which I attended a few years ago. I learned tools and techniques to support birth, business tips and gained experience. I shadowed Robynne’s co-teacher Angie at a birth the night before the total solar eclipse of 2017. I learned so much at that birth. It’s hard to find mentors to share industry knowledge and I’m lucky because Robynne and Angie are open and willing. They know the world needs more doulas, and they are there to teach!
Robynne is my go-to partner in a birth. Being a solo practitioner, I need back up. Doulas never know how long a birth will take. If I’ve supported a birth for let’s say 24 hours, I’d be useless. Or, something will come up like in May, 2021 when I tested positive for COVID the same week I was scheduled to support two births. Robynne was my first call. Coincidently, she too had COVID - those were the worst of days. Though she wasn’t able to help my clients, she worked with me to me find back ups.
In 2018, Robynne encouraged me to interview for a perinatal teaching position at the University of Utah. She had been teaching there for years and thought I’d make a good addition to the staff. After I started teaching I realized the brilliant synergy. I am a better teacher because I’m a doula. And I am a better doula because my time teaching childbirth education.
A few weeks ago, I received a text that Robynne needed a sub for her Mindfulness & Meditation for Birth class at the U. Her mom was very sick. I was happy to step in. I usually teach virtually and with both of my kids at camp, it was an easy yes. It was a three week series down in Salt Lake.
The first nighty of class, a pregnant woman waddled into the classroom thirty minutes early just moments after I had arrived. We both were a little confused. Did I have the time wrong? Nope. It was her mistake. She blamed her pregnancy brain. We laughed and started chatting. I asked her why she signed up for the Mindfulness & Meditation for Birth class. She paused and then told me she had a stillbirth a year ago. She then laughed and said that she’s had a lot of therapy and it was OK. But she wanted to take the class because she was very nervous about labor.
I walked over to her and asked I could give her a hug. Yes, she said. Sweet mama. I told her she was so brave to share and also to show up for this birth class. She knew she needed tools to rely on to remain present in the birth and not go back to the terrible day her first baby was born. I dropped all of my preparation for class and sat with her until the class was supposed to begin.
However, no one else came.. It was kind of perfect. We spent two hours together. I shared with her that sadly, my niece died in utero in 2005. I know from lived experience how horrific that experience was for my sister and my brother-in-law. It was gut wrenching for all of us who loved them. I had just had my son three months prior.
I realized for the first time the breadth of my experience with mindfulness and birth, joy and grief. I shared with her the importance of being present in childbirth. I emphasized the power in the birth following tragedy or trauma. Her story of “what if” or “last time” could be paralyzing. Being tangled in thought could rob her of the experience of this birth. She will not be able to stop the thoughts, but she can recognize them. And then ideally, she will come back to the moment, breath and soften into the labor of this baby.
In our private class, I shared techniques and visualizations to use in the upcoming birth. I shared the benefits of breath during childbirth. By focusing on breath, her mind might be distracted her from her thoughts. In addition, her breath relaxes her muscles, her mind, and keeps her oxygen supply up. We practiced together. Our time alone together was powerful and felt almost precious.
The intensity lessened the next week with the addition of another couple in class. They also had experienced pregnancy losses and signed up for the class for similar reasons. I reviewed the first week material and asked the mama who I taught the week before had anything to add. She said she’d been thinking about something I shared. I said, “Thoughts are real, but they are not always true”. She told the other couple that insight alone had shifted her mindset to help her prepare for her birth in a new way. It was cool for me to hear what landed with her.
The third and final week of class, my colleague Aunika joined me bringing new energy once again to the group. We had a great last session practicing hands on techniques for comfort in labor. At the end of class, I felt emotional saying good bye. I wished them the very best for their their upcoming births. I continue to send them love and light - and to Robynne as she navigates this next chapter of her life without her mother. RIP Francine.